All Apologies

If you apologize for something, but then you keep doing it? Then you didn't really mean that apology.

If you apologize but you have to add a "but" after it? It's not a real apology.

I don't need your fake apologies.

I am beautiful

I am finally starting to look at photos of me now and seeing the beauty in myself; beauty I have always pushed aside because I'm too fat, my teeth are crooked, my eyes aren't straight, etc, etc, etc. It has been much healthier for *me* to find love for myself like this than it would have been to do all of these huge diets in order to lose weight to love myself.

Anxiety attacks can come in unexpected forms

Sometimes when I'm just going about my day, doing nothing in particular to cue an anxiety attack, I get this feeling of heaviness in my chest and quickly behind follows this feeling of dread. It says to me, "Your life will only get worse and worse. Nothing can ever get better, and everything you try to do will fail."

By this time the heaviness in my chest is accompanied by a numbness that spreads out from my chest and eventually takes over my entire body.

It can last for 10 minutes if I don't take my Vistaril (anti-anxiety).

It scares me so much, especially when I'm working on something important to me, like my business and the things I'm doing with the Timebank and I begin to wonder if that's a sign. I know, rationally, that it isn't.

This one just makes no sense to me. It has no trigger. It just lies in wait until I'm fairly happy and then it lunges at me and digs it's claws into my chest.

Thanks for that, Anxiety.