Gratitude #2

I am grateful to have food to eat.

Gratitude #1

So I think it will help me to say something I'm thankful for every single day. So I'm going to start that today.

Today I am thankful for my gaming friends. :)

After The Attempt (A story of a suicide attempt)

Don't Order the Headstone Yet

I'm sure most people didn't really notice, but a few did: I was offline from Friday evening to Tuesday afternoon. It wasn't because I wanted time away from the internet or because I went on a nice vacation.

Friday night I took 50 Tylenol PM in a suicide attempt.

I am extremely lucky to be alive. We got the ambulance there not long after I did it, and they gave me charcoal to drink. I was in the ICU for about 3 days with IVs and a catheter in. Then I was moved over to the psych ward on Monday and was there until Wednesday (so ~3 days in the ICU, and 3 in the Psych ward.)

I am going to be making a video to answer any questions people may have. I thought that would be better than just typing it up.

So, please put your questions here, or on Facebook or Google+ and I will be making that soon.

I am thankful to still be alive.

The broken glass

Have you ever had thoughts you can't stop thinking? Maybe you can't forget that kiss you got last night, maybe you keep worrying about your next job review, or maybe it's as simple as making sure you remember to get those eggs at the store!

I think everyone will have raised their hands by now.

Have you ever not been able to stop envisioning yourself throwing yourself from a moving car? Maybe you see visions of yourself cutting your own wrist, or maybe you think about what life might be like if you lost the most important person in your life?

So many hands have gone down.

Some of those hands shouldn't have gone down.

I think an important part of shadow work is to face these parts of yourself. If we can't admit these parts of us exist, how can we grow and get to a point that we can hold the control.

I don't like the idea that I have these thoughts in my head. I don't like that an image of my broken body on the side of the road can invade my thoughts at any time. I have no way to really explain why it happens. It doesn't only happen when I'm upset. It just comes into my mind, and I can't just shoo it away afterward.

I keep building the globe back up, this glass frame around me, but I can't escape the broken glass still on the ground.

If I the glass up and make it into something else, can finally be free?